Tomorrow is Not Promised

Our Family

It is always nice when we wake up and begin our day. We usually have a clear head and already know what our plans are (for the most part) for that day. Our daily activities become routine and we know what to expect. So we prepare ourselves to complete important tasks, whether we accomplish everything is a different story. For example work, children, school, doctor appointment and other daily activities for living a productive life. We tend to forget about the little things that we should do, such as saying I Love You, giving someone a hug and a kiss before leaving the house. Then we remember that we rushed out of the house without saying goodbye. We figure that it is no big deal because we can always say it next time. Then it slips our mind and we forget about it. We do not worry about it too much because there is always tomorrow. However, there is a saying, "tomorrow is not promised." I am confident that not many people consider those four words before leaving the house on a daily basis. I never did I always expected that I could tell them tomorrow.

Jana Lake Tahoe

The possibility of death is around us 24/7. We are not supposed to just think about death all the time it would just consume us with just too much worry and stress over something that is avoidable anyways. There were many times when my wife was going to work, or the kids leaving for school without saying goodbye. We missed the simple goodbye and I Love You. It is one of those small chances that we neglect because we can say it later. We assume that will person call when reaching their destination or we will call them. Think for a minute at how sudden that death can be. There are times when death is unexpected and cannot plan for it. It is definitely something that we cannot put off until tomorrow or any other day. Death is just not fair yet it is a part of our daily lives. None of us are perfect we have all committed some type of sin which is also a part of life.

Jana and Her Girls

I am a strong believer in my Savior and my Heavenly Father. Life is what we make it, our home is where the love is. We choose where to raise our children, and set values for them. We all learn differently whether they are positive or negative it guides our family’s path in life. Everyone wants what is best for their family or to give our children more than we had and take them through a different path of life. The values that we set for ourselves and our children affects whether they become homeless, constantly in and out jail, no education, or working an honest job doing what it takes to provide for their family so they do survive. Families are both great and our biggest down fall. However, when it comes to immediate family members and our spouse most of us will do everything in our power to become succeed in life. That responsibility takes many sacrifices and we try to be there for when we are most needed even if we are mad at them. Sometimes as adults we give them a meal, loan them money, or nurse them back to health, then you send them on their way with love and prayers that God will help watch over their lives.

Me and Jana "My Love"

I share my personal experiences so others may understand different views with life’s issues. They are never personal. They are my thoughts so anyone who reads this has a chance to understand what I am trying going through. However, it is personal this time and still affects me. I know that I am not the only that it is affecting. You probably figure that I am talking about my wife, (married 6 yrs.) spending 8 years together. I keep telling myself that everything will all work out as God has a plan for me and my 3 girls. Then I think about all those 8 years that I spent with Jana-Lyn and try to remember everything that we shared. This includes our first hello when we met, our first kiss, moving into are own place all the good and positive things about being together. Then I think about the negative things, our arguments, how she wanted me to change my ways, and what I could have done differently. What tears me up most are my own thoughts, questions, and regrets. We had so many things to do and see together. Some of which we should have done and wonder why we never did some of the things we planned. I am starting to ramble on now, crying, probably not making much sense anymore. So I will end with I am getting through losing her with your help, prayers, and support. Along with my girls or step children although I always thought of them as my 3 girls. I feel that I have earned that right as calling them my 3 girls. Jana Lyn Croft Sledge, you are truly missed by all those that ever met you and to anyone who has not met you we will tell them what a wonderful person you are. I Love You Forever and Always

Feeling Alone and Trapped

Gone but Not Forgotten

I just had a great talk today with a friend whom recently lost her husband. I would like to share with everyone a little what we discussed. Our discussion not only helped her it also made me think more of my loss as well. I hope that it can help anyone else that reads this. As most of us have lost someone close to or no someone who has. Whether this person by a Mother, Father, Daughter, Son, Spouse, etc. A loss hurts us and affects us all in many different ways. I hope that you enjoy this and please leave a comment or just like it.

Jana, Girls & a Friend Lego Land

When we lose someone close to us we go through many stages. We become angry, hurt and look for somebody to blame. Then we go through one of these stages of feeling trapped. Our daily life changes and simple daily activities become difficult. You do not want to get out of bed, go outside, and sometime we do not want to eat. This is more so when it is a parent, child, or a spouse that we lost. We can not compare our loss whether it was an immediate death or whether it was a long and drawn out death. We can not compare the two differences because they are both equally difficult to deal with. My wife suffered from diabetes and was insulin dependent. That morning was just like any other morning we woke up our girls started getting ready for school. My wife Jana was not feeling well that day.She said it could be her blood sugar, so she tried eating a little breakfast and ask me if I would drive the girls to school that day.

Trapped

I decided to keep our middle child home from school that day. In case Jana needed to go to the hospital and like most people she did not like going to the ER. I asked her how she was feeling and do you want to go to the ER. Thirty minutes or so goes by and she said that she was feeling better and to take Kayla to school. Just to make sure I asked her twice are you sure? Do you want to wait a little longer? Her response was no she needs to go to school because she had a project that day.

 

Our Family Alcatraz

The school was approximately a five minute drive from our house and she wanted some soup as well. I stopped by the nearest corner store to get her soup and 7-up. Her sister picked up Maleia and dropped her off at school so that I could take care of Jana. The trip was no longer than twenty-two minutes total. I return home and started warming up her soup I called her name with no response and figure she was taking a nap. It is still hard for me to think of the rest. I called 911 and the rest is history. That remains my biggest obstacle to this day. From my own experience I went through the stage of being mad at myself, Jana, paramedic’s, and the world. I secluded myself from everyone including my daughter constantly thinking to myself. “Why did I not take her to the hospital? I should have made her go to the hospital? We should have waited a little longer?” There was no one that I felt I could to talk to. People always tell me I know what you are going through. That made me angry too and at times I yelled at the person, “How can you tell me that you know what I am going through when I don’t even know?” I felt bad about that later because they were just being sincere. However, nobody could truly understand what I was going through and I was going through it on my own. Sure, people did try to get me out the house, offered prayers, and support. However, it was not enough and it did not help me because nobody could change the events and I was to blame. I did not want to talk to anyone. I stopped answering my phone and my door which felt great. I had my alcohol and that is all I needed at the time.