What should we do?

Have you ever felt like you were doing all the right things or as best as you could under certain circumstances?  These last four to six months for me has been like that or so I believe.  Looking back on things I realize that maybe there was a better option and I made an incorrect decision. Then I thought that maybe I am being too hard on myself for not making the right decision. I have come to an understanding that this happens to everyone periodically and there will always be that moment of indecisiveness.  There is no one to blame other than me for certain decisions that I have made during this last year. It is like being on a roller-coaster where your in the dark and unable to see the tracks. One moment it is a thrilling and exciting ride. The next moment is scary and makes me doubt my decision to get on the roller-coaster in the first place.

When these moments of self-doubt arise it seems like walls are closing in all around me and makes me think that maybe this is exactly where I belong. Although, this is not where I want to be cause I want better and know that I can do better not only for myself but my daughter that depends on me. Nothing is going right, I tried my best, (or so I believe) and so why even try. For  those individuals that has GOD in their hearts, lives, or can go to whom ever their GOD is at that moment of indecisiveness and get the answer they were looking for I commend them. I am unable or choose not to look for answers from GOD or "higher being". If you read any of my other posts then you know that I am not 100% committed to that belief or going to whom ever my GOD maybe. I know enough about the bible, church, and beliefs that only one GOD can truly exits to have that faith so many individuals depend on, which I feel that I am trying.

It is faith in myself  to make correct decisions that keeps going and determined to keep trying. Then I look around and see that it is not only me that is trying their best only to feelings of doors closing all around on you; "bad luck" when things start to look up. We live in a material/opportunistic world; where you are "judged" before having a chance. When I look pass my feelings of doors closing and keep going it seems even worse. For example, homelessness, criminals, politics, and life in general. If you travel 15-20 miles in any direction more than likely you notice or hear about somebody's bad news or unfortunate circumstances. I hear most religious individuals thanking GOD that it is not them going through it and keep on going without a second thought for those individuals that are going through it.  Of course this is not always the case we look many factors and judge someone/situation before offering help. Such as the neighborhood, an individual's appearance, race, or behavior. 

This faith in GOD is supposed to make everything alright or tolerable to live through in any situation. When I can I try to help someone when I am able to and it makes me feel good when I can help. To see the gratitude on another person's face, which probably has that person thanking GOD. It confuses me because it was not GOD that helped. It was me that reached out to see what I could do to help not GOD. Or maybe they believe that GOD put us in that exact spot at that moment to help by chance or his plans. As I have stated I am still skeptical on GOD and his/her plans. You pray good things happen. Then you pray again and everything goes wrong, which is GOD again testing our faith. When this happens were supposed to read a book that will tell us what to do or what GOD has plan for us, but which book do I trust there are so many to choose from.

I personally am starting to believe "if" all these theories are true then GOD lives in all of us. As individuals we ultimately decides who receives a blessing and whose faith still needs testing. Then again I tell myself I am doing the best that I can under my circumstances and trying to do the right thing. What can I do? The world is too big for any one individual on earth to make everything all right. So we live life by helping those people whom we believe needs our help and maybe ignore those who really need our help. Now I am a little more content when things do not go as planned. When things are going good great and when things are going bad well that is life and the world that we live in.